you should not believe in me

i hate it when my com is all laggy, especially when i'm trying very hard to do my lab report. and that ain't so bad because one can deal with lagginess with more patience. but now, to make matters worse, Word keeps dying on me whenever i try to save my work. brillant! congrats yy!

$*#&#)$@(*#@""?!>

i'm damn pissed! ARGHH! the only way to get work done is to go to the computer cluster. =/

office 2008?

hope is something unfounded

i've been too lazy and busy to blog properly. guess it's about time for some updates before anyone thinks that i fell from the face of earth or something.

my lessons this year are a lot more hectic these days and way more interesting than superficial things that we did last year. but with that, it means that the content that we cover are more difficult and comprehensive. it's good when it comes to satisfying curiosity but its bad news when i have to mug for exams. very bad, in fact. but i'm not gonna go into that now. it's not time, yet.

i finally joined the leeds' volleyball team this year. we had our first match with leeds metropolitan university this wednesday. it was a good game, considering we only had 3 formal trainings before the competition. besides, we totally kicked their asses; 3-0, the first set was under 10. :D it's been awhile since i had my shot of adrenaline on court so it really feels quite good. there's a lot more motivation to go for training this year..

although i still miss home, being back in leeds is like going back into part of my life that i left behind last summer. basically, i'm picking up what i left off and continuing with what i have here. and that's a lot more enjoyable and less scary than starting from scratch (like last year).

time really tells, so just sit back, relax and let it unfold before your eyes.

where you end

Where You End - Moby

Some things fall apart
Some things make you whole
Some things that you find
Are beyond your control

I love you and you're beautiful
You write your own songs
What if the right part of leaving
Turned out to be wrong

If I could kiss you now
Oh I'd kiss you now again and again
'Til I don't know where I begin
And where you end

Thought I fell in love the other day
With an old friend of mine
I was running kisses
Down every inch of her spine

We had the roof down
The sun came shining in
The black fact is
That I was thinking of you

If I could kiss you now
Oh I'd kiss you now again and again
'Til I don't know where I begin
And where you end

I slept in the sun the other day
I thought I was fine
Everything seemed perfect
'Til I had you on my mind

I tried to love you
I did all that I could
I wish that the bad now
Had finally turned into good

If I could kiss you now
Oh I'd kiss you now again and again
'Til I don't know where I begin
And where you end

If I could kiss you now
If I could kiss you now
If I could kiss you now

Oh where you end
Is where I begin

Oh where you end
Oh where you end
Oh where you end

lost in coffee rings and fingerprints

i have this deep sense of foreboding that time is running out.

indeed, it's already august. this means that i'll be heading back to leeds in about a month's time (i'm flying back on the 20th of september). well, going back to leeds has it's perks - the freedom, pursuit of my degree, travelling etc. yet, i know that i'll definitely miss home and be missing out on the lives of my friends and family. sigh. oh well, i made that choice. i'll have to do what i have to do..


on a lighter note, HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY ZEEWAI!! ((:
i'm really glad to have a friend like you.

i hear in my mind, all these voices

i like endorphin, the tiny little molecules that work wonders on my brain. they make me happy, feel good about myself and make me go an extra mile, literally, on the treadmill. sadly, i don't get endorphin charged too often. but just as well, lest i get tolerant to its effects.

so, when will my i get my next shot?

regina spektor - Fidelity

And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall..

i'm gonna find other you

i like coffee, and i think i'm kind of addicted to it.

i've been having withdrawal symptom, a slight headache, all afternoon because i didn't have my usual dose this morning. its bad, i know. i suspect know it'll get worse if i were to continue to indulge. but i can't imagine my mornings without coffee. not only that it smells good, it perks me up too.

nonetheless, i know that i can do without coffee. just i little more effort and i can do without it. then again, there is just this part of me that's telling me that i might just want this slight addiction, to indulge in something that i shouldn't.

oh well, maybe i should just let it go....

lets waste time

i love talking to ying rong. our conversations just flow as naturally as it can be, without any awkward slience or inhibitions. our ideas may be conflicting at times, but we can always communicate with ease. there's no one in the world who can replace her in my heart. although she, like anyone else, has a lot of flaws, i'll always love her.

with all my heart. ((:

don't make me think before i speak

exams in 4 days, 12 to end of exams, 18 to home.

it's been almost 9 months since i've breathed the hot and humid singapore air. i know i will definitely complain about the heat when i get back, but that would never deter me from going home. i really can't wait for the 4 long awaited months of holiday! there are so many things i'd love (and have) to do when i'm back. i even compiled a to-do list from playing with lizzie lizard to returning library fines (60 bucks!!!!!). oh, and with some luck, i might be able to work as an intern in A*star just to get a feel of research. i really have to thank Zuthur for that; he helped me pull some strings. ((:

i really can't wait for exams to be over and the day when i can finally fly home. but i know from experience that on the day itself, the excitement would not be like what i anticipated. but oh well, i just wanna be home.

hate this feeling of disappointment.

quit you

i'm in quite an irritable mood now. mainly pissed with myself, as usual.


argh.


on a lighter note, my poster is almost done. hurray! i have to write out my speech soon though. i only have the main points done. i dun fancy presentations, even when there will only be 3 assessors present. ah well, i should go on and finish my revision for tmr's data analysis exam.


i really can't wait to go home. getting tired of leeds.





i thought my problems would just dissipate
and all my pain would be in yesterday...

unsaid

Unsaid - The Fray

Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

But suffice it to say
We're leaving things unsaid
We sing ourselves to sleep
Watching the day lie down instead

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead

We're both pretty sure
Neither one can tell
We seem difficult
What we got is hard as hell

A hundred thousand words could not quite explain
So I walk you to your car
And we can talk it out in the rain

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead
And we are leaving some things unsaid

I can sing myself to sleep
No more

Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

Coffee and Cigarettes

hur. what a heart wrenching song.

but i like. =/

do you have a suggestion?

people are coming back from easter break,
cars are filling up the parking lots.

goodbye tranquility.

manual counter

my 3-in-1 counter.

cant wait!

i need you so much closer

i've been too lazy to blog for the past few weeks. getting way too comfortable with my newfound source of free music and endless junk food [think chocolate fondue and crunchy nut] from morrisons. what's new?

anyway, some updates. i'll be heading back to sg on the 30th may, which means it's only about 46 more days to go till i can finally go home. [i managed to reschedule my flight 'cause exam ends on the 24th.]

but firstly, i'll have to tackle my first major exam here in 32 days' time. =/

tick tock, tick tock. time is running out.

Tristan Prettyman - Shy That Way w/J Mraz - Live At Lestat's

i love the performance and song.

someday, somehow, in some town, perhaps?

a day, wasted

i know i should probably do something constructive instead of blog surfing, friendster-ing [yes, i know. im outdated. people are facebooking now and im still stuck w friendster.], watching house and just simply indulging in my own laziness.

but well, notice i said probably.

the excessive thoughts on my mind are making me really restless and dissatisfied. but the real trouble is that i can't let them out of my mind. there seem to be a gap between thoughts in my mind and my ability to express them. most of the time, they don't come out. and even if they do, it's just not rightly conveyed. so they're just trapped inside my mind, waiting in vain for liberation.

i hate the feeling of inadequacy.

updates, like finally

easter break will start on this friday!! hurray! no more lab reports, essays, 9 am lectures, practicals, whatever for the next month! =D and i'll be travelling with the usual people again on the third week. muahaha. ((:

by the way, if you don't already know, i'll be going back for summer holidays on the 6th of june! i really can't wait. it's been awhile...... )):

hmm. maybe i'll write up a to-do list for easter and summer hols for motivation when i'm done with my essay and lab report (which are due tmr). =/

Cosy in The Rocket

one of those songs that i just can't seem to get it out of my system.. oh yeah, ignore the slide show. enjoy the song!

tolerance

my friends usually tell me that i have almost no temper and (relatively) high tolerance for stuff like noise and irritating people. but i don't think that's strictly true; i only have a high threshold for people whom i love and care for. i'll always try my very best to accept the imperfections in my friends, that's the least that i can do for them. and it's not like i'm perfect. i know that i'm irritating (at times only, i hope) and definitely far from perfection. so i guess what's important is not who is more irritating or irritated. it's more about being truthful and accepting, not putting up with, the flaws.

what do you think?

a' levels

GOOD LUCK all the people out there collecting their A' level results on fri. (((:

ARGH

feel like going home. ):

Thinking About You - Norah Jones

Yesterday I saw the sun shinin',
And the leaves were fallin' down softly,
My cold hands needed a warm, warm touch,
And I was thinkin' about you.

Vindicated

hectic mess

YAY.

i finally finished my work thats due on monday. now i can really enjoy my chinese new year weekend. there's no way my cny this year would be as enjoyable as previous celebrations (in sg). but i'm really thankful to have some close friends to celebrate cny with. ((: im really looking forward to the steamboat tonight. its like a "reunion" dinner and a real break from my never ending work (for now).

more updates later. =D

And it's been here
Silent all these years..

sarcasm?

just thought that this lecturer has quite a quirky and sarcastic sense of humour.

Dear Sutdents,

Firstly I apologise for the inadequate lecture this morning: gross anatomy without illustration is about as useful as an empty picture frame.

I and several of my colleagues have complained about the apalling condition of this lecture theatre and the unreliable and inadequate audio visual aids on a number of occasions - the complaints result in temporary patch up jobs that self evidently don't last.

The fact that neither the digital projector nor the slide projector worked this morning shows how the place is out on a limb and forgotten: moreover, they have removed the emergency link telephone to the AV techs (who are all based in Roger Stevens).

As you are aware, the illumination from the digital projector is pitifull even when its working.

How much are you all paying in top - up fees - and how much would it cost to replace the computer and digital projector with ones that work satisfatorily and provide an emegency link to the IT techs?

I would encourage all of you, individually, to take a little time to vent your dissatisfaction with the people who timetable modules and those who mastermind the provision - unfortunately I cannot find a NAME for the latter.

However, if you all e-mail Lisa Whiteley L.Whiteley@leeds.ac.uk
and copy in mediaservices@leeds.ac.uk
We may, with luck, get something done about it or a move to a theatre that is fit for purpose.

If they take no notice of the teaching staff maybe they will take notice of the paying "customers".

Yours

Alan

**********

The lectures for BMSC1206 at 12noon on Wednesdays have been moved to the Medical Lecture Theatre on level 7 of the Worsley Building. This venue change will be for all remaining lectures on the module.

Dr Helen Billington
Teaching Support and Quality Manager
Faculty of Biological Sciences
University of Leeds, Leeds, LS2 9JT
Tel: 0113 3432841
h.l.billington@leeds.ac.uk

and it actually worked..

*lol*

she wants to be like the water

Every time after varsity volleyball training, I’ll feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. I miss playing volleyball in Singapore, with my old team mates. The unspoken understanding and silly jokes on/off court, the friendships forged over the years. They’re simply irreplaceable. Sometimes, I find myself in search for that intangible feeling i miss so much. But I know I can never ever turn back time to experience the feeling of fulfilment and satisfaction during/after competitions and trainings. It’ll always be part of me but, sadly, I can never come close to experiencing all these again. Just like how water in a stream can never be exactly the same as before - it keeps moving on, never looking back at anything. Maybe I should be glad just to have those fond memories. Maybe.

sigh.

Breathe - Michelle Branch

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
and its keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell me why I should stay
'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say

And I Take it just a little bit
I, hold my breath and count to ten
I, I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe

Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real

And I Give you just a little time
I, Wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe
Breathe

So I whisper in the dark,
Hoping you hear me
Do you hear me?

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
Everything is alright if i just breathe... breathe

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain

HELLO LIZZIE LIZARD

say hi to Elizabeth Chia Yu-en! a new addition to my family on 26 Jan 2007 at 855am (sg time).

she's so loved by all of us. (:

Littlest Things - Lily Allen

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I dont why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
the first time that you introduced me to your friends
and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
when I was feeling down, you made that face you do
no one in the world that could replace you

[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of me and you
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you feel the same way too

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things remind me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Prague trip

Prague is such a beautiful city. wish we had a day or two more to explore the place. i'll definitely go back there if i get a chance to. =D

i'll update more when i get hold of the pictures we took during the trip.

it's almost 4am now. i should get back to bed.



And just because you just don't feel like coming home
Don't mean that you'll never arrive.

feel like home

Feel like Home - Fort Minor

These days are dark and the nights are cold
People acting like they lost their soul
And everywhere I go I see another person like me
Trying to make it all feel like home

[Mike:]
Standing on the bridge in teh dark and I'm seeing my breath
Trying to make it home without freezing to death
And my grandfather's face is
stuck in my mind mind and how
Seeing him tonight's gonna be the last time I should've brought a jacket
Blowing in my hands like it's really gonna stop the chill
I buy a cup of coffee with a five dollar bill
thinking
Laying in that box people look so still
At times like these you start thinking
Your first breath in and the clock starts ticking
I'm not trying to bum anyone out
Not trying to be dramatic
just thinking out loud
I'm just trying to make some sense in my mind
Some defense from the cold that I'm feeling outside and for a minute
Escape with some rhythm and rhyme and
Get away from the grey
Just a bit at a time

[Ryu:]
Kinda funny how this world can treat you
Like a freak in a sideshow
a carnival creature
Climbing outta cans
I'm a diamond in the sand
But you cant tell the difference on a beach full of rhinestones
My life's like trying to swallow a pinecone
It's tough when you live fast
just to die slow
Talk to dial tones
my dreams are far-fetched
It seems
so I sleep underneath this park bench
I know it don't make sense
And I don't expect you to know what it's like
Smoke
drink
piss
sniffing everything in my sight
Push rocks in a pipe
Liftoff
I keep puffin 'til my lips turn white
And my chest gets tight
But who the fuck really cares
when you're
So far left behind that even death looks right
All I can do is hope for teh best and pray
That it gets a little better than yesterday

[Tak:]
Pardon me
I think I'm nect to url
Too many problems going on
that's why i left my girl
Packed my bags and traveled with a pen and a notepad
Pissed that i was broke and all the things that I dont have
But still
I try toi find a way to escape
From all teh hate planted in my head which lead to mistakes
But now I'm breaking the mold
see I was patient and calm
Many sleep in the rain
but I'm awake in the storm
Writing my life in a short film
The Rise and Fall
How I managed to scorch hills
and climb the walls
Pound pavement
aimless in the cold existence
Even thought thangs are changing
I'm going the distance
Overcoming the doubt that had controlled for so long
And put it all behind me
'cause life still goes on
Now I'm much stronger and know where I stand
While lost souls search over and over again

[Mike:]
These days are dark and the nights are cold
People acting like they lost their soul
And everybody's trying not to cry
trying to get by
And trying not to feel out of control
And if you look hard enough
Sometimes you'll find a place that might just remind you of home
But if it doesn't feel like home
You can do what I do
Just pretend you don't feel so alone

saying things that i cant quite put in words

i rememeber reading somewhere that we spend most of our lives pretending to be someone we can never be. i think there's some truth in it. cos it has something to do with the insecurities that we inevitably carry around, in large or small packages. its not so much about leaving a better impression in others. Rather, it's more like hiding behind a facade. tucking that inner self away, protected from the (intentional or unintentional) judgement of others and the disappointment when it is unraveled.

i guess we can never be as good as we'd like ourselves to be, can we?

quote

I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.
- Voltaire

i must say that i really agree with this little quote of the day i ripped off my sis and bro-in-law's blog. well, i guess it works vice versa too, right?

hurrrr, back to my ethics essay and exercise on plagiarism.

):

iPhone

iPhone

iWant.

):

suddenly i see

Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

blessed.

i think i'm quite an eccentric person.

sometimes, i just lie on my bed at night imagining how billions of cells in my body functioning as a whole unit, complementing each other in synchrony. like how millions of minute neurons firing electrical signals to each other to inhibit or excite, creating resopnses in my muscles or just a random thought like this. it's amazing how the seemingly "dead" processes, such as diffusion of neurotransmitter down a concentration gradient across the synaptic cleft, come together to make you and i unique individuals. it's simply too beautiful for me to put down in words.
[okay, i think i got all the key words to "Explain how the neurotransimitter reaches the post synaptic membrane from the pre synaptic membrane. 2m" But thats not the point.]

on the other hand, it is fragile too.

when any one of the processes ceases to work properly, no matter how "trival" it seems, the result may be detrimental. if you look at cancer, the underlying principle is simple - the continuous, uncontrolled division of cells. see how it devastates people's lives and baffles the researchers finding a cure. as much as we sometimes don't want to admit, we just can't beat nature. period.

so be thankful that you are alive and kicking. stop lamenting about life.

we take too many things for granted, only to realise it when its too late.

):

i feel like

going home
eating my mum's ai xin maggi mee for supper
watching csi/law and order/grey's/24/alias
having my summer holidays NOW
going home
hanging out at home, doing random stuff
catching a movie at cine
walking down orchard road
going home
suntanning
having Singaporean food
being there for the arrival of my baby niece, lizard Lizzie
going home

but i know i can't.

well, not for another 6 months.

):

first entry for 2007

i guess it's about time for an update. i never blog enough, as usual.

anyway, though it's laggy, i still wanna shout
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
may it be better than 2006. [it has to, doesn't it?] ((:

i had a wonderful, wonderful christmas dinner with Manhon, Zuthur and Sarah at Sarah's kitchen. i took like tons of pictures of them stuffing the poor turkey with potato, bacon, stuffings (some 3-in-1 sauce from the supermarket) and butter. it was hilarious and very fun. i even took a video of them at work. too bad theres no sound. ):


operation turkey.

my London trip was fantastic too. the post Christmas sale is really fabulous! virtually everything is on 50% sale or more. i'm not gonna shop anymore during anytime of the year except christmas and new year sale. =D right, maybe not.

no worries, i managed to keep to my budget. i'm a real miser at heart. hahah.

well, i have 4 more days before school starts. better have a head start with my ethics essay. cos i'll be going to Prague with a few friends on the 18th.

yay!